Saturday, April 20, 2013

Between




Poem © 2013 by Joyce Mason
All Rights Reserved



This dark place
between lives:
I live here too often
mutating
 waiting for the rebirth of
who I am
what I do
how I see myself
hoping I don’t come out
a freak
or worse
don’t come out at all
stuck in lost.

The darkness is a closet
without the dimmest light
not even the long dirty string
of my childhood wardrobe.
Barely a walk-in
it’s cramped to overflowing
with things that no longer
fit me.
Old masks line
the dirty walls
with chipping paint.

My discomfort
with uncertainty
mounts:
 nothing new in sight
no Goodwill Store
with cheap make-do's
to carry me though
my latest transition.

No wonder
I don’t want to come out
of the closet
naked.

From this place of withdrawal
I fight the demon depression
hoping for enough strength
to beat him down.
I channel Jackie Chan
ducking karate chops
to my solar plexus.
I limbo dive
under the pitchfork.

I see depression’s beady red eyes
smell the sulfur.
He offends everything
I stand for.

Talking to myself
my words
stun me.
Maybe there’s nothing
to stand for.
Maybe it’s time
just to sit …

… to sit and contemplate
what I want to do and be
 in the last act
of my life
shelving the shoulds or dreams
I have outgrown
or the closets
full of clothes so out of style
they’re a welcome moment
of comic relief.

Maybe I should sit
and contemplate
the real me
the naked me
and what it would take
to streak down Main Street
wind in my hair
living not in-between
but right in the moment.

~.~.~

Photo Credit: © deviantART – fotolia.com

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2 comments:

Pop Art Diva Enterprises said...

I need to make this poem my mantra, because it reminds me too stop spinning and take a moment to remember who I am!

Joyce Mason said...

Glad it inspired! Another poem with an even more direct theme about "stop spinning" is Downtime, posted March 15. I was thinking of you a lot last night, so not surprised to hear from you today. Happy Day of Rest!